It seems like Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and boyfriends everywhere are starting to panic! Luckily, a small preparatory school in Irving has a school newspaper with a writer/editor who has a girlfriend; that writer/editor is not me. That man is my friend (at least I think he is) and I’ve meddled in his relationship plenty of times, so I’m obviously an expert. Before we get into the main part of this article, I should point out that this year Valentine’s Day happens to fall on Ash Wednesday, so the practicing Christians out there must fast and celebrate at the same time.  Even if you’re not Christian, you still wouldn’t want Valentine’s Day on a Wednesday. Because, let’s be honest, it’s a Wednesday; it isn’t even one of the good days of the week. It’s just sort of mediocre; it falls right in the middle of the week, so there are absolutely no feelings about it at all. To be truly romantic, Valentine’s Day has to fall on a Friday, Saturday or possibly a very nice Thursday. Honestly, even Monday would be better; at least this day inspires some kind of emotion (though not many good ones). However, we need to move on to more important things.

Now, what type of Valentine’s you want all depends on what kind of person your partner is. Just give them what they like. If your partner likes to play video games, guess what you’re going to get them? A PS4 because it’s the superior gaming system and everyone should have one (it’s also a little expensive but those are the struggles that come with being devoted boyfriend). But what if your partner likes to dress fancily and go out for a night on the town? Well, this one is a little more complicated. You need to sell a few organs and then you can take them to a strange place called Sephora. I think it’s a shop that sells you magical items disguised as makeup, but I’m not too sure.  Remember, do not spill alfredo sauce on your partner (I repeat, DO NOT SPILL THE ALFREDO SAUCE). Or you could get your girlfriend something ‘homemade-ish’. For example, giving her a beautiful hand drawn portrait of herself is a great idea. It shows romance and that you care. It is also a little creepy, but that’s okay. However, giving her a beautiful portrait of your favorite video game character doesn’t go well at all. It only ends in crushed spirits and dreams. I know from “experience.”

Valentine’s Day is also a great day to form new relationships. Rushing to the airport and getting her right before she leaves forever on a flight to somewhere would be the romantic thing to do. However, that’s too much work and getting past airport security would take way too long and be potentially illegal. Instead, giving her a gift and actually telling her that you like her is a great idea. Of course, it will end in catastrophe, but it’s best not to think about those things. Taking the person you like on a date is also a pretty good idea. Again, Valentine’s Day is also on Ash Wednesday, so Christians have to fast, so just try not to think about that mouth-watering, juicy, well-done steak.