Dear avid Informer readership, Americans at large, as well as whomever else the following may concern:

I would like to formally extend my heartfelt thanks to the voting body which has elected me Pres- ident of the Student Council.

Thank you.

Additionally, it must again be addressed that I was by no means exclusively deserving of election, and the other candidates’ efforts merit as much congratulation as do mine for the investment that they put into their campaigns. One need not look further than the margin of the results for proof of this: had a single voter gone the other way, I would not have had a majority. This statistic has served to ensure that I maintain all humility throughout this election, as well as to remind me to stay “on my toes” (as they say) for the duration of my incumbency.

In this same spirit, I will remember the willingness to work that I claimed and promised in my speech. It is something deeply rooted in my character, not subject to change, and on these grounds, I further promise you that no effort on my behalf will be left unspent: a smooth and successful year by all measures will be my foremost abiding goal for the impending calendar year. Some specific points of excitement include a potential new winter dance and the all-but-assured glorious return of the world-renowned DJ Andre 7.

In restatement, I am honored beyond expression to have so worthy an object of my effort as our school and its community. In recognition of the untold hours voluntarily surrendered for the good of me and all other Cistercian students by former and current faculty, staff, monks, and parents, I would like to offer the coming year’s work as an attempt at repayment already doomed to fall short. In this service which alone can express my gratefulness for the honor of this new responsibility, I hope and trust that all good possible will be returned to the inexhaustible source of benevolence from which we all have drawn in these pivotal years of our lives.