Garbage Guru, No. 1


It’s real news. We promise.


Man is Shot Because He Looks like an Iguana

If you’ve been keeping up with South Floridian news lately, you would know that they’ve been having an iguana infestation. These lizards have become pests, chewing up plants and causing internet and power outages, and as one news outlet reports, “leaving a path of destruction in their wake.” Due to the sheer number of iguanas that have been plaguing the people of South Florida, some communities and homeowners have decided to hire iguana hunters. An iguana hunter was hired to get rid of those pests from the yard of a homeowner in Boca Raton. Unfortunately, someone was cleaning the pool on the same day. The hunter mistook him for an iguana and shot him.  Now, obviously, this worker has been having an awful day. He had to get up, go out and clean some random person’s pool. While he’s cleaning, some man with a gun shoots him and says, “I’m so sorry, I thought you were an iguana.” Not only is this an awful apology, but now the worker has to live with the fact that he looks like an iguana.

British Couple Trapped In their House by Seagulls

A large group of seagulls trapped an old British couple in Lancashire by attacking them every time they had to leave the house. For six days, Mr. and Mrs. Pickard were unable to leave their home because some seagulls had nested on their roof and attacked them if they tried to leave.  This story sounds hilarious, but Mr. Pickard describes it as “a nightmare.” Unfortunately, his wife had been unwell, and he was the only one who could leave the house to get groceries and run errands. During the preliminary stages of the Pickard family’s imprisonment, one of the seagulls left Mr. Pickard bleeding and he needed to be taken to the hospital. Luckily, everything ended up being alright with him and the seagulls eventually left. However, it seems that seagulls are a common problem there and since they’re a protected species, the British can’t shoot their problems like we can. Sure, a couple of humans will get shot too, but it’s a small price to pay to rid the world of iguanas and seagulls.

People Pay to Stay in a Hotel Created by Taco Bell

Yes, you read that right. Taco Bell has opened a hotel in Palm Springs and the residents are the type of people you would expect to visit a Taco Bell hotel. One person described cutting her trip in Cancun short so that she could stay at this hotel. Another person booked a flight to Palm Springs, knowing there were dangerous weather conditions, just to get to the Taco Bell hotel. Of course, most of these people also don’t remember ever going to a Taco Bell, but they know that they love it.  But it turns out you can’t order your favorite Taco Bell foods at this hotel! The food is brought to you and it looks like food prepared by a chef. Honestly, there is NO point in going to the Taco Bell hotel if you can’t order a ton of Taco Bell and then regret your decisions on the toilet a few hours later. It’s a “restaurant” where you know you shouldn’t eat, but you do anyway because you lack impulse control. That is the true Taco Bell experience, and anyone that’s really eaten Taco Bell would know it.