Summer Movies Preview

Solo – A Star Wars Story – Apparently we need an origin story for Han Solo. Is there any reason for this to exist besides the money? Of course not! Despite being a needless cash grab, it is a Star Wars movie with Donald Glover as Lando, and Emilia Clarke as Kira, so I’m gonna give it the benefit of the doubt. But the behind-the-scenes turmoil, such as Ron Howard replacing Phil Lord and Christopher Miller after 80% of the movie was filmed, puts this in the same situation that Justice League was in last year. Let’s pray it’s not that bad. (May 25th)

The Incredibles 2 – I’ve been waiting for this movie since 2004. It better be much better than Finding Dory. (June 15th)

Tag – I found Hawkeye! Turns out he abandoned Velma and the kids on the farm and ran away to play a never-ending game of tag with his high-school friends. That sounds like every man-in-the-middle-of-a-mid-life-crisis’ dream come true. (June 15th)

Jurassic World – Fallen Kingdom – After it was announced that any sequels to Jurassic World would not be set on an island, set photos began to leak showing that this did, in fact, take place on an island. And once the trailers came out, it began to look exactly like The Lost World: Jurassic Park, and they also appear to have spelled out every single major plot point. J.A. Bayona is a great director, and the apparent emphasis on making a horror movie should make it interesting, but I’m keeping my expectations really low. (June 22nd)

Ant-Man and the Wasp – Infinity War didn’t really explain what happened to Ant-Man after Civil War, so now we get an entire movie to fill in that time period! The first was a surprise success, and adding the Wasp should make this one successful as well. But, it will only be truly successful if the entire movie is narrated by Luis. (July 6th)

Skyscraper – Dwayne Johnson does Die Hard, except the building is on fire. BUT THERE’S ANOTHER TWIST. He only has one leg. Prepare for a lot of scenes where his prosthetic leg threatens to twist off and send him to his death. (July 13th)

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again! – Who isn’t excited for more random ABBA songs on a Greek island?! Let’s hope Pierce Brosnan doesn’t get to sing very much. (July 20th)

Mission: Impossible – Fallout – I just want to acknowledge that the only reason this franchise still exists is because Tom Cruise does his own stunts, and the whole point of one of the trailers was literally to make fun of that. As long as it explains why Henry Cavill has a CGI face in Justice League, Tom Cruise will have broken his ankle for a good cause. (July 27th)

Teen Titans Go! To the Movies – This is sure to be the best film of the year, aside from Sherlock Gnomes of course. (July 27th)

The Darkest Minds – Rue from The Hunger Games gets to hide from Mandy Moore and set stuff on fire. If only she could have done that in the arena… (August 3rd).

The Meg – Jason Statham has fought a lot of things in his illustrious career. Gnomes, terrorists, spies, and The Rock. Now he faces his biggest threat yet: a CGI shark. This seems to combine the best aspects of Jaws, The Shallows, and Deep Blue Sea in one giant shark-extravaganza. If you don’t mind campy action movies, this should be right up your alley. (August 10th)