How do I tell if I’m talking too much about myself and not letting others speak?
Read your audience. If they’re tired of hearing about your genius fantasy football strategies or favorite sports car, you can probably see it in their face. If you can’t tell, develop a code word or signal with a good friend (the more absurd the better) so he can subtly tell you when to stop.
When in doubt, turn the focus off of yourself and onto others. Ask someone else a question, or maybe ask the group a general conversation starter.
How do I handle it if I accidentally embarrass myself in front of others?
Start by not being afraid to acknowledge it. Make a joke out of it. Even if it’s a lame joke, chances are it’ll be even more awkward if you pretend it never happened. And don’t be afraid to be embarrassed, either—trust me, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to do stupid things in front of girls. What matters is how you handle yourself when it happens.
How can I tell if someone is only being polite, or if they genuinely enjoy talking to me?
Do they ask questions? If so, they want to continue the conversation and do enjoy talking to you. Another huge giveaway is eye contact. Are they able to look at you when you’re talking, or are they staring at the floor and fidgeting?
However, do keep in mind that they could simply be shy. Try to see how they act around your friends—bubbly and outgoing, or just as quiet as they were with you?
How can I start a conversation with someone I’ve never met before at a dance?
Start off with simple small talk. Ask what she thinks of the music or the decorations. If it goes well, go ahead and make it more personal. Give her a compliment (non-creepy, please!) . Bringing up friends you have in common “do you know so-and-so…?” also helps her to place who you are, and might make her a bit more comfortable.
What should I do if I don’t know how to dance or feel awkward on the dance floor?
Ha. I’m still figuring that out. Let me know if you find the solution.
Is it okay to compliment someone’s appearance, and how do I do it without being creepy?
Keep compliments about appearance on the shorter end and limit it to once or twice during that one event. What you choose to compliment her about also says something about you and what you look for and notice in people, so giving excessive and/or very frequent compliments on her looks sends her the message that that’s all you see.
Also, balance it out with complimenting her on her individual qualities. Girls love feeling understood, so generic compliments like “pretty,” “nice,” or “smart” don’t mean a lot—if that’s all you ever say, she’ll think you don’t really know her. Compliment her about what makes her stand out: tell her how funny, lively, cheerful, or fun to be around she is.
What should I do if a conversation feels one-sided and I’m doing all the talking?
That could be a sign that the other person isn’t genuinely interested in what you have to say. In that case, neither of you wants to be there, so it’s fine to politely end the conversation. If you’re not in a position to do that, or think they’re just shy, try to draw them out. Change the topic, or ask questions to find out what they’re interested in. Also bear in mind that some people can’t hold a one-on-one conversation very well, but do better in group settings. If you think that’s what’s going on, rope a friend into the conversation and make it a group of three or more instead of just two.
How to project confidence?
Having confidence is just a mental game. And the more you’re stressing out about not being confident, the more ground you’re losing. For conversations, if you try too hard to project confidence, you run the risk of coming across as cocky instead of natural. And how to act natural? Stop trying.
If that doesn’t help, think about it this way: It’s natural for you to talk to and joke around with your guy friends. But when a girl comes along your first impulse is to stare at the floor and say nothing. And you think the problem is that you don’t know how to talk to girls, which it sort of is, but really is much more specific. If it was your sister, cousin, or family friend it wouldn’t be that awkward (admittedly if it is, I can’t do much for you). The problem is more that you don’t know her yet. And luckily for you, that’s not a hard problem to solve. So the next time you’re in a conversation with a girl, ignore that part of your brain screaming “IT’S A GIRL” and instead think to yourself, “this is someone I’d like to know better.”