The Freshman Mixer is a Cistercian tradition that has been around for almost as long as the school itself. Every year, over 250 girls are invited from Ursuline, Hockaday, and other schools in the area. The ratio of boys to girls is usually 1:5. This probably sounds fun to you, and if you’re socially inclined, this probably sounds amazing. I mean, everyone loves a fun party! But it shouldn’t be the best party ever. You have to entertain over 250 people and make sure they want to come back to Cistercian. That’s not exactly easy, but rest assured, it can still be fun.

Normal people provide entertainment by “socializing”, and if you want to do that, okay. I won’t judge you because you might actually make friends. However, if you don’t want to be normal, then I would recommend my way of entertainment. My path is called “The Way of The Dancing Queen”. Here are its sacred steps:

Step 1: Get energy. It doesn’t matter how, just get it. It’s okay; I won’t discriminate.

Step 2: Let go all of your tension and convert your energy into happiness. It doesn’t matter how, just do it. This is essential.

Step 3: Get more energy. You need to be able to dance.

Step 4: Ignore your friends as they laugh at you for your dancing. They’re just jealous.

Step 5: You are now ready to be a dancing queen! You must dance for 3 hours straight so that when it is time to clean up, you won’t be able to stand.

(Note: Even if you are trash at dancing, your friends can use you as an icebreaker.)

The Way of the Dancing Queen may sound great. However, if you can’t dance, then this path is not for you, and you must socialize (which isn’t bad at all). Just try to talk to girls about something they’d enjoy, like their schools or their friends or how awesome the Dancing Queen Saish is. It’ll work, trust me.

There is a way to “win” the Mixer, and it comes a week later. After the Freshman Mixer, there is a co-ed volleyball tournament where you can invite girls that you know. If you have made friends with a lot of girls at the Mixer, you can invite them. Someone was able to get 32 people to come back to Cistercian. Obviously, he was successful at the Mixer; he made 32 friends and got them all to come back. How? I have no idea. I think you have to be nice? I’m not sure. Anyway, this was my guide to the Freshman Mixer, and if you learned nothing else, just remember that I am the Dancing Queen.

FAQ

Are you sure we should do what you say?

Yes. I know what I’m doing. I met two people there.

Will this guide really make me the Dancing Queen?

No. I am The Dancing Queen. You will be a dancing queen. See the difference?

Are there really over 250 girls at the Mixer?

The Ursuline freshmen have almost 200 people all by themselves. Do the math.

Do we have to decorate the whole thing?

Yes. We built an altar to the Furby gods. They make great conversation pieces. ALL HAIL THE FURBY.

by Saish Satyal (’21), who sadly did not persuade the DJ to play Tunak Tunak Tun