There are several people who can give you very good advice on how to act at all of the parties that come with being in High School at Cistercian. I don’t think I’m one of them. Most people look forward to the parties because they get to socialize and hang out with their friends and meet new people. I go to parties to dance for about three hours and then immediately collapse from exhaustion when I get home. Basically, my experiences involve very little, so writing an article giving people social advice might not be the best idea. But even if my advice is not the most helpful, it should be entertaining to see me try. Now, this article is targeted towards freshmen, but any kid in Middle School can start planning for the future, and I  am sure there are some upperclassmen who could … get out more.

If you’re like me and you’re quite terrible at starting actual conversations (let alone keeping them going), I recommend dancing. It’s a great way to let loose a lot of energy and you can actually make some friends by dancing well. I’m telling the truth, you don’t even have to talk, just have a good time and you might actually make some friends. There will be other people there who know no one and just dance. And you’ll then have the shared experience of dancing and trying to look confident (even though on the inside you feel like dying). If you can’t dance, you should do what I did and watch a ton of Bollywood movies and music videos and hope you have the skills to dance. If you don’t want to dance, that’s okay. You can always start a conversation like a normal person. I’ve talked to certain experts whose names I cannot disclose and I’ve learned that a way to hold an interesting conversation is to make it up as you go along. The experts have described the experience as “terrifying at first, but it gets easier as you go along.” I imagine that experience to be very similar to something every Cistercian student experiences often: writing an essay on a test over a prompt you know nothing about. You just start writing things down and start coming up with ways that somehow make it work. It’s the same way when you’re talking. Just say something and then come up with ways to make it look like you know what you’re doing. I also imagine the experience to be like writing this article, except I can stare off into space to think of ideas while writing. You generally shouldn’t do that in an actual conversation.  Honestly, from what I’ve seen, if you’re friendly, funny and you act like you know exactly what you’re doing, you’ll be amazing. And even if you don’t, I’m sure one of your friends will have a friend for you or something.

If you have basic social skills, then you’re already set. You just need to know what not to do with someone. For example, don’t accidentally reveal someone’s secret crush to their older brother during lunchtime because it will result in you getting VERY close to destroying your friendship and it will also result in a strangely terrifying lunchtime interrogation. You also shouldn’t take someone’s phone and text their mom a text saying “I love you” but with a bunch of other words implying that this is the final thing you will say to her. It will definitely stunt your friendship and you will be left with a worried mom and a resentment that you harbor for 6 months. You should also not chug Gatorade with a large crowd of people in your approximate area because if you laugh, you will become a dragon who breathes Gatorade instead of fire. It will probably be just as destructive as a dragon, but it’ll destroy your friendship and your dignity instead of your land. Most importantly, don’t try too hard.  At these parties, you should try, but you shouldn’t try so hard that you become obnoxious and annoying. For example, if you slap someone in an attempt to be funny, it will certainly be funny at the time. But then, after a few days, you will realize your grave mistake and you’ll lay awake at night realizing how much of an idiot you were and how much you really should apologize.

But, again: if you can socialize for a few hours without going totally off the rails, you really should be fine. You don’t even need to be able to hold a one-on-one conversation with someone for a long time. As long as you have a group of friends to support you and hang out with, you should be set for a pretty good social life. And if all else fails, be the dancing queen.