Garbage Guru, No. 3


Photo Credit: Patrick Kwan (Flickr)

Saish Satyal, Editor

Mark Zuckerberg on Billionaires: “No One Deserves To Have That Much Money”

I want to be comforted by the fact that Mark Zuckerberg is feeling the Bern, I really do. A billionaire saying that he doesn’t deserve that much money should warm my cold, dead, socialist heart. However, when it comes to actually doing something about the problems that his site has been causing for America, Mark Zuckerberg has refused to respond properly. When confronted with the rapid spread of misinformation on his Facebook platform, he said that it’s “something we have to live with.” Spreading misinformation to cause panic is not protected by the First Amendment, which means that Mr. Zuckerberg is only unwilling to regulate his website because it would be too much of a hassle. He, of course, also doesn’t support Elizabeth Warren’s crackdowns on the technology industry to stop large companies like Facebook from stealing unsuspecting users’ information and selling it to companies like Cambridge Analytica. This article series is supposed to be mainly humorous, but Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg’s handling of all of the problems that his site has is getting a bit too much.

Lindsey Graham Prank Called by Russians Pretending to Be Turkish Defense Minister

This news should also bring me great joy. Lindsey Graham getting pranked by two punk Russians pretending to be a high ranking member of the Turkish government is almost what I dream about. But, of course, those Russians are suspected to have ties to the Russian intelligence community, which probably isn’t great. What’s even worse is that Senator Graham revealed that his public support for the Kurds was fake and we see in a transcript of the phone call that he calls them a “threat” to Turkey. Once again, this article series is meant to be funny and it’s meant to help you keep your mind off of the more serious topics in the world. But the withdrawal of US troops, the betrayal of our Kurdish allies, the release of multiple ISIS prisoners, the raising of the black flag of ISIS in Syria once again, and the massacre/prospective genocide of the Kurds isn’t something to be taken lightly. When faced with genocide, history has shown that appeasement doesn’t work. If he can stand up for his views on US television, Lindsey Graham should, at the very least, not flip-flop on these beliefs when talking to a member of a foreign government.

CEO Who Inherited Position from Father Lashes Out at Lazy Millennials for Being Entitled and Expecting Handouts

This is pretty self-explanatory. Hopefully, it doesn’t hit too close to home for some of you.